Sunday, August 23, 2015

letting go of what does not serve me

last week i was very lucky - i spent it with a woman, a sister, a friend of the heart - it was an amazing experience for me not to be alone in my journey and rather to be surrounded by love and caring. we were in Bali so we even worked out the mystery of the roaches - she had something she needed to work through and to let go - and she kept attracting them to remind her...

today i spoke with a man who does not make me feel loved - and that is an understatement! he keeps criticising everything i do and finds a spiritual reason why he is right and i am wrong. the real question is why i am still hanging out with him? why do i not let him be a part of the other 7 bil people and instead let him be a part of my life. i remember Oprah had a "positive police" - if people were not positive they were thrown out of her parties - why do i not pay attention to who is around me? even more importantly - now that i know who he is why do i keep him around? do i secretly believe that maybe one day he will like me? maybe if i am good enough or wise enough or something else or someone else he would like me? how about me? do i like him? the answer is definitely not. i had the opportunity to be in a relationship with him and the answer was no. i had the opportunity to be friends with him and the answer is no. so i pretend to be ok with him so maybe he will like me so maybe i get validation? silly maria!

what other people think is their business. my business is to be myself. some people will like me for that. a few people will love me for that. some people will dislike me for that. a few people will hate me for that. in fact there is a balance in this world so the proportions will stay the same... so i have the choice to continue hanging out with those people who criticise me and not like me or i have the choice to find those people who make my life better. what will it be?

for today i chose the one who does not like me. i guess i have many other choices to make today. i hope i pick better later on...

and yeah i like myself despite this silly obsession to waste my time with people who do not really like me. 

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