Saturday, August 29, 2015

good karma versus bad karma

This is a post that I am sure may sound strange - but i have been operating my whole life assuming that I had terrible karma before - thus my life was horrific this time around - and my job was to help everyone I came in contact with. yesterday a woman who for a few days has only been helping me and being kind to me offered me a gift. She told me "Maria I think you were my mother in another lifetime and this lifetime I want to express gratitude to you for what you have done for me...." I was shocked. All my life people tell me that I have mother energy and for the first time in my life someone wanted to express gratitude. what an amazing woman... and also what an amazing feeling. I realized that for months now people have been expressing gratitude to me and appreciation and good feelings and I have only been hiding by myself - what if all these people have been trying to give me the same message. What if I need to do nothing to help and I deserve to be loved just for being myself?

I grew up in an environment where I was abused. I have believed that I deserve nothing and I have believed that I can only be bad. I also believed that it is only by serving others that maybe I deserve to be loved. which really translates to "I don't deserve to be loved". After all these years I realize that maybe I deserve to be loved. Maybe I deserve to be accepted and loved. What a beautiful realization. It is still new to me, this beautiful feeling of deserving love....

thank you beautiful friend for your kind words

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